When my sister started on Isacrapola, she tried to convince me to try it. I told her to show me the peer-reviewed scientific research. Well, I guess they thought of everything. Because now the Isafucktards are crowing about a new paper, “Intermittent fasting combined with calorie restriction is effective for weight loss and cardio-protection in obese women”, by Klempel et al. in the 2012 issue of Nutrition Journal. Yes, that’s the name of the journal it’s published in. Which is a bit like if you want to start a financial newspaper and decide to call it, Financial Newspaper. But I digress.

So by tradition in academic papers, the actual head scientist who came up with the experiment has his or her name listed last. The last name on this paper’s list of authors is Krista A. Varady. We’ll talk more about Dr. Varady later. First I want to talk about the study itself.

The study was of a group of 54 obese women, who were randomized into two groups: one group was put on a diet plan that involved intermittent fasting with calorie restriction on a liquid diet (called the IFCR-L group); the other was put on an intermittent-fasting, calorie restriction diet with food (called IFCR-F). The study concludes that the IFCR-L group lost more weight, more visceral fat, and lowered their cholesterol more than the IFCR-F group. They even took pretty MRI pictures so you can see cross-sections of the fat ladies’ tissues in before-and-after shots that show the pounds and inches melting away.

It will not surprise you to learn that the IFCR-L diet plan is, in fact, Isagenix. That’s why the Isatards are so giddy about it. But hold up. I already told you that if you stay on a restricted-calorie program, you are going to lose weight. If you want a citation for that there are extensive findings about it in the medical journal Duh. So that we saw weight loss results over ten weeks on this program is not surprising. The thing that makes fad diets catch on is they actually tend to work – in the short term.

Also, did you notice something? The control group in this study was also put on an IFCR diet. It’s basically a head-to-head between Isagenix and the Other Leading Brand of crash diet, just like those TV spots that show you how Bounty absorbs more than the Other Leading Brand of paper towel (who it is is left unspecified).

Plus, there are a lot of claims that Isagenix makes that aren’t even addressed by this study. They claim that your body has accumulated toxins that their body cleanse helps get rid of, for instance. Indeed, this study addresses the so-called “Cleanse Days” – as the “intermittent fasting” component of the diet. It’s not the cleanse that helps you lose weight. It’s the fact that you’re not eating anything on Cleanse Day.

This study lends as much support to Stop-Eating-So-Much-Fucking-Food-A-Genix as it does to Isagenix.

There are a whole bunch of other claims that go into Isa-woo. For example, they get into acid-base toxicity, this fatuous notion that disease happens because your body is too acidic, and only a program like Isagenix can restore alkaline balance to your body’s internal systems, or something. Actually, the blood’s pH is maintained in a state of homeostasis, and is always a weak base; any deviation of blood pH from a very narrow range of between about 7.2 and about 7.5 and you would probably be in the hospital. But that doesn’t stop Isatards from sticking pieces of litmus paper into their own piss to see how toxically acidic it is. OF COURSE you’re going to find toxins in piss, Doogie Howser. IT’S PISS. THAT’S HOW YOUR KIDNEYS FLUSH TOXINS OUT. And it doesn’t stop them from shrieking “oh yeah? well maybe your body is too acid!” when they’re cornered with FACTS.

yo momma’s blood so acid, edward cullen uses her to chase tequila

None of these other claims are supported by science, of course. And this pilot study doesn’t even BEGIN to address them. I’d like to see a follow-up study of these women, to see how many kept the weight off and how many packed it back on again. Thing about crash diets is, they play havoc with your body’s metabolism, and make you develop food cravings and tend to eat your way back to your old shape.

One more thing. What’s this I see in the endnotes?

“Krista Varady has a consulting relationship with the sponsor of the research, Isagenix, LLC.”

AHA. THE FIX IS IN.

Not only did Isagenix pay for this study, but the lead researcher is pretty cozy with them in a “consulting relationship”. Is that the same thing as being an Isagenix Consultant, i.e., a member of their dupe network? This doesn’t necessarily cast doubt upon the results themselves; however, in interviews and such, because of her relationship with Isagenix as basically a shill, she’s going to have a tendency to talk up Isagenix’s “effectiveness” in broad and vague terms, and not really get into what the study actually says. Just like they do with the actual ingredients of the shakes and cleanses, Isagenix resorts to handwaving and vague platitudes about the scientific findings involving their shit. This is done to hide the truth – that their products are not that special at best, and some aspects of the Isagenix program – chugging down herbal laxatives for instance – may be dangerous.

Finally let us not forget that ISAGENIX IS AN MLM. The shakes, cleansing, and dieting is only secondary to their main line of business: getting suckers recruited into their sales force and generating income for the people at the top. I haven’t looked into the particulars, but if its anything like other MLMs, their primary line of business is in selling training and motivational materials to their network of “associates” and “consultants”. The fact that Isatards tend to talk alike once they get into the program seems to suggest they’re reading from the same copybook – probably made available online at a low introductory price. And if you still can’t drum up leads, there’s a DVD that shows you an easy technique. And so on and so forth.

So no, all the science in the world doesn’t make Isagenix not a scam. The legitimate aspects of the program are there to hook you, and to rip you off.